I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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