I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
