Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
