so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
