Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
