You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
