I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
