Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
