I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
