Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I touched a dick in church today
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
