i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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