Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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