Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
