The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
