Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Randomize
