last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
