You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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