TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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