shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
