I wish life had little blips of pornography
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
