I want to walk on stilts...naked
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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