I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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