And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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