i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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