I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
