And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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