puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
