You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
