so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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