Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
