New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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