how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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