He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
