We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
