how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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