Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
