I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
