They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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