A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize