who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
