Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
