I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
