Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
