I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
