She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
