i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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