I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
