My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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