the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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