Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Quick, to the slutcave!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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