Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
