i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
