Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
