exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
