I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
