My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
