I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
