dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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