we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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