Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
