Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
