Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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