Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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