All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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