hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
