If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
