when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
