your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
