i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
