Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
