..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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