Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
