Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
