cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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