my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
