thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
