I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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