I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
