I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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