I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize