Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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