come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
