M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
