my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
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i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
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It was like giving head to a cactus.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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