It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
