THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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