Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize