Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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