Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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