i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
