she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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